Frustrations

Why must we go to college?  Why is it that society "strongly encourages" young people to go to college?  They say these will be the best years of our lives.  How is that possible when all we do is study?  We barely have time to get off campus most days, and when we can, we don't have money.  So could someone please tell me why we must go to school? 

Everyone puts pressure on us to have things "figured out" and to have an exact plan for your life.  We are too young for this!! We hear two different things, "these are the best years of your life so make the most of it" and "you better figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life."  How can you possibly expect us to do both.  We are still trying to live on our own and figure out who we are as individuals. 

Don't get me wrong, I like getting an education, but I would much rather have a bit more time to go to a coffee shop in the city with some friends and not have to worry about what I am going to do in 2 years.  We don't need that extra pressure on us...not yet anyway, because after college it is the real world and there is no going back.  We can never live these days again.

Home

Home is a rebel flag on a barn roof
It's corn and onion fields
It's where the black dirt is

Home is 4-H clubs and Dairy Princesses
It's sitting in the back of a pickup truck
It's bonfires and cowboy boots

Home is country music and hay fields

It's red barns and green tractors

It's dairy and produce farms

Home is a small town

It's a barn party on a Saturday night

It's church on a Sunday morning

Home is a county club

It's designer and "in-season"

It's a popularity contest

Home is a competition

It's where selfishness grows rampant

It's money and greed

Home is McMansions and Mercedes
It's lap dogs and maids
It's private schools and nannies

Home is where you are from
It's two worlds collided into one
It's where a part of you always lives
It's not something you can change
It's something you are born into
It's where you will always have something

...or so you thought

Au revoir pour le moment

I have officially been home for 17 hours now.  I can't even sleep in my own bed because my room looks like a tornado went through it.  I spent all that time packing and now I have to spend even more time unpacking and organizing. Great.

This is definitely not a fun part about being a college student.  The worst part is saying goodbye to friends.  Whether it be for the summer, for forever, or for who knows when.  I hate saying goodbye.  I hate tears.  I hate change.  Don't get me wrong, I am very happy for those who graduated, but Roberts will not be the same.  I am glad that they have come to a new beginning.  The impact that these people have had on my life will last forever. 

I have no regrets about this past year, and I can't say that I would want to do it over again.  Mainly, because I was able to make so many new friends and have so many more new experiences that will stay with me forever.  Some were good and some were not very smart.  These people and the experiences I had with them helped to shape me as a person and helped me grow closer to God.  If I did have to opportunity to live this past year all over again, I would do everything the same. 

God gave me the opportunity to love, and I did.  Probably more than I should have, but I have no regrets.  I have found that regretting something makes you hurt more, so why put yourself through the heartache.  Over these past few days I kept telling myself that it is not goodbye, it is only farewell for now.  Or, in the words of Jason Aldean, See You When I See You.

4/20

Yes, it is National Pot Smokers Day, April 20th.  However, this only started in the early 70s but is now a counterculture holiday.  A group of high school students in California used the number 420 as a code for "time to smoke pot." These students, called the Waldos, would go to the same wall at 4:20 pm to smoke.  On a more historical front on this day, the Civil Rights Act of 1871 became a law, Adolf Hitler was born in 1889, and the Columbine massacre happened in 1999.  What can I say?  I'm a history major :)

This day reminds me of all the changes I have gone though in the past 2 years at Roberts.  I  don't participate in any of the stuff I used to when I was in high school.  Now, I look back and think about how stupid I was.  There are so many more important things in life than trying to be the cool kid.  My friends here have helped me see that none of that is important.  They helped lead me to God and I know that there is no turning back.  I am comforted by the fact that there is no turning back. 

I am not the person I used to be.

Stepping Out

Well, here we go.  My first blog attempt.

A few days ago I was with a friend who sold me to the idea of blogging.  I always considered starting a blog, but I was a bit nervous about it.  Lately I have been starting to step out of my comfort zone and try new things.  I started a twitter account (crmanak) last semester but did not get into it until about 2 months ago.  I have discovered that I really like it.  Instagram has been a new part of my life as well.  Sharing pictures of things I like or of things that are important to me has become a daily routine.  I Instagram more than I twitter or Facebook.

My mother is always telling me that stepping out of your comfort zone helps you grow as a person. I am beginning to realize that this is true.  I wrote my first article for the college newspaper (The Beacon) this past weekend (that was nerve-wracking, let me tell you!).  I have begun to meet so many more people this semester because I am willing to step out of my shell and become more social.  My leadership position on SALT has helped me with this a lot this year as well.  I don't doubt my decisions or myself as often as I previously did because of this position.

Last year I had doubts about staying at Roberts, but I have come to the realization that I am supposed to be here to impact this campus in some way.  Even if it is in the smallest way possible.  I love this place.  Roberts has become a home that I love.  Two years from now I will be getting ready to graduate.  Honestly, I don't know how I am going to leave this place.  I can't imagine NOT being here anymore.  This place has helped me grow so much as a person that I don't ever want to let go of it.

The best lesson I have learned so far in my college career is to overcome your fears.  I am no longer afraid of expressing my ideas and thoughts.  I am not longer afraid of what people think.
I am no longer afraid.